Monday, October 4, 2021
Political Satire
Kantrowitz Promises $6,000 Tax Cut, Mayoral Appointed City Council, Support For Deadbeats, Corporate School Control
Fire up the oligarchy. Claiming Bridgeport’s legendary conflicts of interest don’t run nearly deep enough, entrepreneur, attorney and former Bridgeport schoolteacher Jonathan Kantrowitz has launched a faux entry into the mayoral race. The two-time Democratic Congressional candidate breaks down his mayoral platform: no tax collection, support for deadbeat dads and tax cheats, complete corporate control of schools, solar panels in every park, Rolls-Royces for cronies and ignoring freedom of information requests. Sound familiar? What the heck, with no formal candidates challenging Mayor Bill Finch yet we gotta have some fun. From Kantrowitz’s twisted mind:
I am declaring my candidacy for Mayor of Bridgeport. My platform is as follows:
Property Taxes
Mayor Finch’s promise of a $600 rebate for every taxpayer sets an example that I admire, even though he had no legal authority or financial ability to make that actually happen. However, he did not go far enough. I am promising every Bridgeport taxpayer a $6,000 refund on all property taxes paid over the last 10 years. Moreover, I will appoint the least qualified Tax Collector I can find, to assure that no one who doesn’t want to pay their taxes will ever have to, especially those who contribute to my campaign. in addition, I will only support candidates for other offices who owe significant back taxes to the City of Bridgeport, and/or child support payments.
Political Reform
Although Mayor Finch has done an admirable job of controlling the City Council with city employees, etc., I do not believe he has gone far enough in assuring a complete conflict of interest. Therefore, just as he attempted to take over the Board of Education by making it non-elective and mayoral appointed, I will move to make the City Council non-elective and mayoral appointed. In addition, I will continue Mayor Finch’s policy of refusing to appoint any new members to City committees and commissions, assuring that the entire city will be run by people whose terms have expired.
Education Reform
Mayor Finch has continually underfunded Bridgeport Public Schools while encouraging the diversion of funds to charter schools. This is an outstanding effort as was his effort to take over the Board of Education by making it non-elective and mayoral appointed. I propose to eliminate all issues of public-school funding and an independent Board of Education by turning the entire school system over to corporate “education reformers” and their charter schools, where anyone can serve as principal or teaching staff despite their lack of credentials and criminal background.
Green Power
Mayor Finch’s proposal to cover the landfill at Seaside Park with unattractive solar collectors was impressive, but did not go far enough. I propose covering all of Seaside Park, Beardsley Park, Pleasure Beach and Captain’s Cove with these wonderful devices.
Economic Development
I model my proposals here largely on the efforts of an earlier mayor. I have already negotiated the addition of several fine stores to the Bridgeport landscape, including a high-end wine store, and luxury clothing store specializing in ties, and the finest cigar store in the world. In addition to the direct benefit I have received from these stores, I have assured each establishment of financial success as local developers, office seekers, etc. will visit their stores regularly to buy me presents. I am working with a Rolls-Royce dealership as well, as I and my cronies will need new city-issued vehicles and we will want to shop locally.
Government Transparency
No good can come of government transparency. I will continue and expand Mayor Finch’s policy of obfuscating budget details, delaying or avoiding completing financial reporting requirements, and ignoring Freedom Of Information requests. I believe this will lead to far greater government efficiency. Time will tell.
Residency
While I am not a current resident of Bridgeport, I have made arrangements with a local diner to sleep in a storeroom overnight while maintaining my real residence in Fairfield. This is in keeping with a long tradition in Bridgeport, but in the future I would like to see all residency requirements eliminated, as many of our political leaders already see no point in them.
Town/Gown Relations
Mayor Finch’s efforts to ignore the University of Bridgeport are commendable, but do not go nearly far enough. If elected I will sever all city ties with UB, Sacred Heart, Fairfield U, Housatonic Community College and St. Vincent’s College of Nursing. I will do nothing to change Mayor Finch’s approach towards Sacred Heart destroying the North End neighborhood, however. Let them do whatever they want!
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